Thursday, February 2, 2012

»Down, deeper and down

Down, deeper and down

Would you go down the chimney for a lover?

This is not Ms R's sad attempt at innuendo but a real question. Californian GP Jacqueline Kotarac decided she had to confront her on again/off again lover. He didn't answer the door, having apparently slipped out the back way to take a trip. Determined, and blind in the way that scorned lovers are, she climbed down the chimney where she got stuck and died a horrible, slow death worthy of Balzac's pen.

Unless of course you're the one who always does the dumping first - probably with a curt text these days - this is an issue you've had to deal with. Wanting to make a point when you've been unceremoniously thrown off the loved up bus is pretty standard behaviour. Climbing on to someone's roof and going down the chimney is not. It is simply Victorian in today's uber connected society.

What couldn't she have said via those fifty texts an hour favoured by the modern, dispossessed young lover? Technology means we don't need to get covered in soot to make them sorry.

Thing is, when have those attempts to get the last word in ever really yielded anything except more heartache for the person trying to do it? Ms R will honestly raise her hand here and say that in terms of any relationship of significance (so we are excluding one night stands, people you only dated a few times or met on holiday etc etc here), no attempt to tell him that he was heartless/wrong/lower than a people trafficker have made her feel better. It never does, does it?

Readers have probably discovered that the range of communication possibilities provided by our digital world have prolonged the suffering. Instead of the landline call which is met with an answering machine when you try to reciprocate, or the public goodbye, we now feel compelled to try all the possibilities before concluding that this chapter is now closed. As long as we can find a way of reaching them, the logic is that there is life in it yet despite the fact he or she has told you there isn't. So you do what precisely you can't do with emotions - you rationalise them.

He/she has not been themselves lately. They did this in a moment of impulse. Did they not see how rosy life was together? Gosh the sex was amazing, what else did they need? You never ran out of things to talk about. And so on. You decide they need to be reminded of this and what follows is the kind of stuff you would kick a friend for but which you are now doing.

"I miss you."

"Want to have lunch and talk about it?"

"I think we have a lot to share and I know you do too."

"You know we still love each other."

There is no reply. But that doesn't stop you. You start to get angry. You accuse them of leading you on, lying, cheating, everything including being a serial killer. Not surprisingly this does not promote further conversation. Most people usually give up at this point and seek solace in drink or ill-advised one night stands 'to get him/her back.'

But some just go off the deep-end like our Californian doctor. Obsession and love are frequently too close to call, so that is no surprise. But what, really what could she have needed to say that she couldn't do on Facebook?